Dear reader, here are some thoughts, memories and photos, that came out of my one month residency stay at Moks in November 2009 ...

One of the deepest traces in my memory are connected with silence that I had the pleasure of listening to when smoking a cigarette outside, staring through the window, taking long walks around the small lake and through the forest, lying in bed early in the morning, when light was still shy and I was concentrated on the outside just to hush up my thoughts ... or the silence I listened to when being with/sitting with people and listening to them or to myself ... always listening what silence spoke to me. Unconsciously, silence and the mere fact of being by myself most of the time gave me inner beauty and clearness. While contemplating, I realised I almost selfishly protected my "by my self" being there ... And again, I emphasise the importance of primary, basic activities like burning a fire, just sitting in front of the flames and enjoying purifying softness of the parching heat and sounds of redness ... and there, somewhere in-between, disperse silence emanates, that helps you to really hear yourself. Maybe this is all what there is around the mystery of silence, yearning, exploring and researching of it?

When I told people I would be at Moks the whole November, I noticed a hesitation concerning the persisting greyness of the day. But that was exactly what I wanted - to experience November light in Mooste (and Tartu, Pärnu ....) and all the varieties of hazes and yes, there are thousands of different greys and blues (from purple to the white pearl to dense black).

About curatorial dinners ...

The question how to perform a "curatorial research" on a personal level somewhere with very little things known, was challenging for me. But soon I found a satisfying possibility in phenomena of “dinners” – through intimacy of social ritual like eating together. And there I had seven different stories with different people and artists. Also, I have to say it was fun experimenting with local food supplies.

with Riho Kall
apple, orange, almond and raisin cake

with John Grzinich
tagliatelle with tomatoes, mozzarella and cheese, olives and red vine

with Evelyn Müürsepp
red peppers, zucchini, almonds, raisins with soya sauce and cardamom, rice and carrots with garlic and lemon, cake with cherry jam and chocolate from the market

with Toomas Thetloff
we changed roles, Toomas was the cook, we had liver, red beet and cottage cheese

with Patrick McGinley
mixed smoked and very (!!!) salty fish with cream sauce, rice, clementines with dark chocolate

with Erkki Luuk
smoked fish in cream sauce with garlic and butter potatoes with dill, mandarines with dark chocolate

with Anna Hints
I don't have a photo of our meeting, we met at Werner cafe in Tartu, we had coffee and carrot cake

Here are some photos of my oscillation between fascination, artistic researches, writings, spontaneous acts, researching of words ... (I still believe words can correspond with persons on intimate level, on political level - or with other words, words are not what we think they are – sometimes, when someone tells us something, they are just ... nothing, empty, and maybe they are empty because of speaker's emptiness – and here I don't mean the emptiness in zen perspective).